Doug Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, actor and author. We recently had the opportunity to ask Doug a few questions concerning his views on America for an interview series entitled, “Home of the Brave,” featured in our July print issue.
Leveled Magazine: What does being an American mean to you?
Doug Stanhope: To quote myself, “It’s no different than being an Aires or an uncle. It’s something that you are called due to circumstances out of your doing. I’m no more American than I would be Chinese if they took over this country. I’m just some dude.”
Define the American dream.
I’ve never known what that means, though it’s usually used in the context of material gain or achieved status. But it’s probably just the dream where you show up at work without your pants on.
What is one thing about life in this country that has had a significant effect on you, or has shaped you as an individual?
The ever-increasing birth rate of suckers born per minute.
Would you say that we live in the greatest country in the world?
No more than I’d say my girl was the best piece of ass in the world if she were the only one I’d ever pooned. I’ve visited others, and just on quality of life and the options open to you here, it’s pretty fucking good.
What would America’s grave say on it?
I Came, I Saw, I Cankered.
What comes to mind when you think of the American people?
300-plus million ballooned individuals all staring at a Golden Corral buffet, with the rest of the world pressing their anguished faces against the window. At least that is what came to mind this time.
What will life in this country be like in a hundred years?
Really fucking crowded.
What does patriotism mean to you?
The same thing “listener” means to Rush Limbaugh.
What advice would you give to a younger you about building a life in America?
I wouldn’t. I know I’d be too stupid to listen. Plus, I wouldn’t wanna kill the younger me’s buzz by showing what it’s gonna look like down the road.