WUWW Eats Jews, Pubes & Orgasms

WUWW is a weekly column where I, Amit Wehle, answer your most pressing questions about sex and dating; the beautiful and gross human body; long term relationships, family-hell, work pricks and the nature of the universe.  Here’s this week’s offerings…

 

How do I convince my girl, who’s Jewish, that it’s okay that I’m not Jewish?

It’s almost always OK not to be Jewish. In fact many people prefer it. But for those who are dead set on marrying a Jew it can be impossible to change their mind. They are locked in the paradigm that to marry outside the faith is an affront to their identity and tantamount to giving Hitler a back rub or a Jolly Rancher.

Blame it on 4,000+ years of oppression; blame it on her Polish grandma’s stern warnings; hell, blame it on Zero Mostel or Drake’s Bar Mitsvah photos, but if I were you, I wouldn’t play the convincing game. That is, unless you truly feel her opposition with you is knee jerk and half-baked. Unless you love her deeply and feel that your core values and lifestyle match up so well that in time she will come around to accepting a simple FACT. The fact that your individual merits and beauty do not break a link in the Jewish chain, but ultimately strengthens the human chain. That it is rare to find someone on this planet that makes her soul sing and that you, dear gentile, are that mensch.
Also be sure to be cardiologist, lawyer, leftist professor and versed in guitar and copious folk songs. Extra points if you volunteer to lead a Seder one year and drive Aunt Batshit home while the party is still going.


How do I tell my boyfriend that I’ve never had an orgasm while fucking him?

If you (lady), are capable of coming either on your own, or from any number of former cocks, then your man should be able to replicate the joy.

The easiest way to express this would be through talking, but writing a personal essay or even creating a short film about it could work. More to the point is how to express this fact in such a way that doesn’t make your man feel like a sexless dud. A pathetic flesh packet. An abject fuck failure. This can be achieved through creating a comfortable light-hearted environment to bring it up. That means not mid-fuck with a shot clock in your hand, but maybe during a mellow cuddle or over some fish tacos at your Sunday brunch. Speak about it in a “we should try more X, or next time I want to see if we can Y.” Make him part of the project.

Like any part of intercourse the orgasms are a shared thing. Remember, “inter” means between while course means – I don’t know sheets? Tell him what feels good. Tell him what doesn’t work that well. Lead him. In short: Take the reins and relax. Men have no issues with you taking charge of their body to procure your orgasm. Good luck, and come again, yes?


Do you think dudes should shave their pubes?

Should. Should is a tricky one. I should have a seven-inch flaccid penis and really white teeth, but I don’t. My teeth are white-ish. Pube grooming, as it pertains to man, is not really a should thing so much as a could thing.

Let’s start with this: I’m a strong proponent of pube trimming if man falls into one of the following camps:

  1. The Eastern European silverback. The dude with hair that starts on his skull and ends at the soles of his feet. The trimming in this scenario, help other people navigate and make sense of where body parts start and stop.
  2. The Small-cocked, both flaccid and erect. Small enough to get literally buried in the bush. Cocks (like football) is a game of inches. Trimming the base of the wang can give you some edge, a more forgiving environment if you will. What tree doesn’t look bigger when everything around it has been cut down?

Beyond that, pube shaving, that is taking a Bic to the dick, is a big step. It is a huge neon green banner that reads, “Hello. I think about my dick a lot and now I want you to too.” Now, I’m not saying that’s wrong, but it’s important to match up with a woman or man that appreciates that extra mile. Surely body builders do, the professional sex sect and those who get a kick out of seeing what it would like to get fucked by a giant seven year old.

 

What’s your fucking problem? No, really, what’s your problem? I’m here to help. Submit a question and get your answer on Word Up With Wehle.

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Follow Amit on Twitter @amitwehle

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