WUWW eats God’s Vagina, Cock Flakes and Ménage Quatres

Welcome to September.  Back to School, back to work, back to figuring out why your man sheds cock skin in bed.  Yes, it must be autumn, for the leaves and genitalia are losing their edge.  No worries, I am here to help with the season’s dramatic shifts and set the record straight.


1. Do you think God exists? And does it have a penis or a vagina?

The question is not whether or not God has a vagina, but how large is God’s vagina. I’m guessing quite large.

The kind that can fit a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew and still have room for human penetration.

That said, if John Lennon is correct and ‘God is a concept by which we measure our pain’ then it bears to reason that God has a giant throbbing hard on for humans and enjoys plowing us routinely.

But keep in mind humans have a need to anthropomorphize things. Ya know, see things in our own image. Cats, cars, deities all somehow feeling and acting like us. Pretty convenient, right? That’s why your dog sees you as a two legged Border Collie and imagines God has a bushy tail and routinely licks his own balls. I wouldn’t be totally surprised if God’s genitals are out of the scope of our imagination. Something not within our understanding or primitive thinking For example, something 20X stranger than a toaster oven with gray pubic hair gushing horse blood. Let us not be so vain to purport that we can envision God’s junk.  Just be happy knowing he/she/it takes turns pissing and shitting on us all.


2. When having a foursome with three women what is the correct etiquette for making sure no one feels left out?

Ah, a problem close to my heart and crotch. Countless times I’ve found myself surrounded by a trio of horned up honeys panicked that my own cock, hands, mouth and feet weren’t enough for them to feast on. Here’s the deal.  When you find yourself in a ménage a quatre it’s critical that you think like Pat Riley, Coach K, or Phil Jackson. It’s about understanding the game on a macro level and spreading out your offense effectively. Often that means playing heads up ball. Penetrate and get out. Box out and in. Call for help if someone’s free.

Use your superior height, play the clock and most importantly: dribble. And dribble often.

Here’s how this all breaksdown:

You (#13, Luke Longley), lay on your back. Have a gal (#33, Scottie Pippen), sit on your face and pleasure her orally. Have a gal (#23, Michael Jordan), sitting front ways on your wang. She can play with #33’s tits with her free hands. Then have a gal (#7, Tony Kukoc), just off to your left side, in fingering reach, lay next to you. While you finger her, have #33 play with her rack and comb her hair.

You see? Not too hard. While there’s always a center, a ménage quatre is, at its heart, a team sport. The Bulls knew this, and now you do too. Good luck, Dennis Rodman.


3. We had sex and I woke up to what I thought was sand in the bed. After analyzing it for a minute, I noticed it was flakes from his penis.  WHY and WTF is that?

You are right to be alarmed at waking up to a bedspread of cock flakes. And yes, while penisi are like snakes, to an extent, that analogy ends before full-out scaling and shedding. Most likely your man is uncircumcised and his dickhead is dry. Seriously dry. Perhaps the friction of jamming with you all night resulted in some serious exfoliating. Now, I’m not calling your vagina a loofah, but it may have innocently played a part.

Beyond that it could be a more serious dermatological issue like Psoriasis or Desert Cock.

Is it really possible he is not aware of this?  Is he simply hoping you won’t notice he cast off wang bits? Not sure. But I would mention it to him. Not in a ‘Holy Fuck, your cock sheds and I want to die’ sort of way, but in a more casual and concerned way. You’d be surprised how effective a nice conversation and a tub of Lubriderm can be.

Do yourself and your sexually dissatisfied partner a favor: Submit a question.  You’ll be doing what’s right!

Follow Amit on Twitter @amitwehle

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